Why Do You Pretend It Isn't There?

    The other day, my son got in a little trouble on the bus. I talked to the driver to get an understanding about what happened and she said, "I really appreciate that you asked and are being nice about this. I get yelled and cussed at by parents who think their kids ain't done bad things and acting like they angels."
    I always wonder about that. I mean, when I was younger and in school, if I did something that was bad/wrong/naughty, I knew that there were going to be consequences. I remember spending many afternoons after school for a detention or sitting on the side during recess. My parents didn't curse at the teacher. I was in the wrong.

    Why do parents make excuses for their children? I understand advocating for them if a teacher is just ridiculous, but as a parent, you probably can tell if your child is making up stories. As parents we want the best for our kids. That doesn't mean letting your child get off the hook for everything. If they do something wrong, the should face the consequences. If they got a D on a test because they didn't study for it or skipped school or whatever, don't yell at the teacher for giving them that poor grade. That's their fault. If you want your child to make up for that, ask if there is any extra credit that they can do. If the teacher doesn't have any for them, don't yell at them either. If your child has behavioral issues, don't ignore it.  Let them know that it isn't acceptable behavior and don't give them a reason to undermine their teachers or other authoritative figures by yelling at them, especially in front of the child. There is help out there that they can get if correcting the problem goes over your head and many times it's offered in school.

    If you have a boyfriend (or girlfriend) who thinks it's ok to call you fat or tell you what to do, break up with them. I know that you may feel like you can't because you "love" them, but you are worth so much more what they give you. If they hit you, leave. If they yell at you, leave. If they lie, cheat, and manipulate you, leave. Don't make up excuses for them. Sure they may have a sweet side that they never show to others, sure they are really funny, smart, and gorgeous, but who cares? Even a bear looks cute until you get too close. You shouldn't have to feel bad about yourself or monitor what you say or always be on the lookout for your kids because you don't know when the freak out is going to happen. That's no way to live. Stop telling us that it's all ok, that you know how to dodge those moods. You may have made them angry, but you didn't make them raise their fist.

    Addiction is, well an addiction. I'm addicted to sweets, but I am always on a diet or something to combat it. I need to stop those cravings because I know that they are too easy to give in to. I know that my will power is 0 when it comes to saying no to ice cream or cake. If I know that I wont be able to say no to it, I stay away from it. I'm not going to Dairy Queen or some bakery where I will be tempted. If you are addicted to alcohol, don't go to bars or drinking parties- not until you know that you can say no. If you are addicted to drugs, stay away from others who also do them. Tell someone, they may be able to help you. Don't pretend it's not there.

    If you have bad money habits, stay away from a casino. The chances are, you'll probably lose more than you win. Don't open a credit card. We always say that it's for emergencies, but that brand new top is not an emergency.

    Anyways, if there is a problem, own up to it. It's there and it can, most likely, be helped. Maybe your kid acts out because they need glasses. Maybe they act out because they feel lonely or neglected. I notice that my kids act out the most when we focus on the others more than them. We don't always mean to, but sometimes it happens. Take your child out on a parent/child date. Find and extra 10 minutes in the day to just talk alone. If you are in a bad relationship, it's ok to say "Hey, this isn't working." If you found them, you can find someone else who is better- probably. Exude confidence and not shame. Stop making excuses. If you have addictions, get help. Stop pretending your problem isn't there.