Making Mom Friends

  I know that this is a topic that gets talked about a lot, so I'm hoping to put another perspective on it so it's not your typical, "How To Make Mom Friends" type post.
 
      A little over a year ago, I was one mom in a small group of moms for a mom's group Bible study. Some of us had kids in the same age range, while others had kids who were younger or older. We met up once a week and then changed it to every other week, and then to whenever we could meet. After all, we're all moms and moms tend to be busy. We usually met without our kids and even though we, ourselves, varied in ages, we still had a common ground, which was our kids.

     The group kind of fizzled out when the mom who brought us together had moved further away. Then one mom had another and then another did the same thing and we just all got busy. We still see each other from time to time for birthday parties or special events like going to the pumpkin patch together. Other than that, and seeing some friends I grew up with in my home town from time to time, I haven't really hung out with anyone else with kids.

      I've been fine with it because it just feels like we're always busy, but lately I've been wondering about having mom friends. I recently started participating in the whole social media blog sharing thing to help this blog out a bit. I've joined some Mom Groups on Facebook and in different online communities and have been having a lot of fun reading blogs from other parents, but I started to notice that my life is different from a lot of them. I've been married for almost 10 years and I have three kids, ages 4, 6, and 8. Many of the moms that I've been reading about are first time moms and newly married. Some of those moms are in their 30s- like me, but I've had so much more experience then them. So it raised some questions.

What Type of Moms Do You Like to Hang Out With? 

When I was younger, I didn't mind hanging out with parents my age or older than me. I've always enjoyed hanging out with the older crowd and by older I mean like a generation or more older than I am. Age didn't matter. As a new mom, I welcomed advice, but as a mom of three kids, if someone gives me unsolicited advice, I might get the urge to punch them in the teeth.

   

If you have older children, will you want to hang out with someone who has younger ones?

 My kids adore little babies and younger kids. Sometimes, I get stressed out because I'm worried that the attention my kids are showing the younger ones is too much. EX: I took my kids to the eye doctor a week ago. There was a mother there with her older son and a new born baby. My oldest son likes to make faces and play with the little ones to make them laugh and so during this visit, he kept wandering over to them and tried to play peek-a-boo. He had a T-rex that he kept waving in the baby's face and I was increasingly getting worried that he was going to accidentally smack the baby with it. I called him over to me a several times and asked him not to play with the baby, but he would go back after a minute or two of staying away. I was uncomfortable and the other mom looked uncomfortable. If we knew each other, would it have been different? It was an awkward situation and I was glad when we were called to the back.

What If I'm the One Giving Unsolicited Advice?

I always find myself willing to give new moms advice, too. By advice, I tell them what I went through and how it got handled. I think it's just a part of being an experienced mom. You've been through things and by this time, your kids are pretty much all you talk about because you have, or at least I have, no other life outside of my kids, right now. If I want to punch someone in the teeth, are these parents feeling the same towards me?

My "Feral" Kids and An Age Gap     

My life is just starting to feel normal again. I don't have to worry about putting up baby gates and my kids are more independent. When I am with parents with one child or parents with little kids, my kids appear wild and feral. My kids know how to get on each other's nerves and push each other's buttons all the time. They also know how to play with each other and get loud. When kids are loud and are all talking at the same time, it seems like chaos and like they are getting into trouble, but I tell those other parents to listen. Loudness doesn't necessarily equal naughtiness or fighting. Once they listen, they understand that they are just playing. My dad likes to still freak out when he sees my kids playing in a room without a parent nearby. I have to keep reminding him that they are ok. As long as we don't hear blood curdling screams. It's ok for me to be in the kitchen cooking or in a different room chatting with my sisters and mom. My sister, however has younger kids and she's got to keep her eye on her kids.

Part-Time Helicopter Mom, Part-Time Laid Back Mom

Parenting is weird. I'm ok with letting my kids be more independent at home, but when I go to family reunions or the park, I'm the mom that is watching everyone else's kids because I know that my four year old is very capable of throwing himself out of one of those stupid holes put on the jungle gym for the older kids to slide down the fireman pole. Everyone else seems to trust their kids more so they leave them alone, leaving me to be the parent who pushes all the kids on the swing.

 

So What is the Idea Mom Friend? 

The answer is very complicated. If I have friends that have babies, I will remain friends with them. It won't matter that they are a new parent while I've had kids forever because we already know each other. However, will I feel comfortable making friends with someone new who is a new parent? Maybe.... Probably... I don't know. Are they going to want to be friends with me? Maybe.... Maybe not. It was easier being friends with the moms in my mom group even though we were moms of all different backgrounds because I got to know the other ladies and it was ok.

I know that this is all one be jumble of thoughts, but maybe someone else here feels the same way. Maybe what we need to do is to just join a mommy something group and it will work itself out. Or maybe at this point, I should just wait until my kids start wanting to do things with other kids outside of school and become friends with the other mom because our kids are best friends.

What are your thoughts?