It seems that when I asked God for more patience (not my spiritual gift) when I was younger, he must have laughed up in heaven and was like, "I will grant you the thing of your desire, but first, you must wait years for it to happen. You will have three children and each one will give you a little more practice towards perfecting patience. Only after they leave the house after they've grown and learn to live on their own, will you see that you have mastered it."
I know that God isn't some genie up in heaven who grants wishes or a guru who spouts riddles. Patience is something that I've had a difficult time grasping. Part of it might be because I probably have ADHD (I still haven't seen a doctor to be diagnosed, but my son's doctor said it's more than likely), but the other part is that I want things done right now.
At what point, do you stop your kids from doing the things that they should be responsible for (ex: getting themselves dressed, socks and shoes put on, and just doing what they are told) before you start doing it for them? When I ask them to get ready for the billionth time and they still only have one pant leg on after asking them for five minutes to get the other one on, when should I just walk over there and do it for them?
My husband says that the kids listen to him better because they know that if they don't do it, he will, but if I do that, then I know that they won't put their pants on because they know that I will do it for them. Maybe I'm just too nice. (who just laughed? I can be nice and caring behind my obnoxious, crazy screaming. I mean, it might make the neighbors change their pants, too, but my kids shouldn't be confused by what I want them to do.)
It's my kid's responsibility to dress themselves now. They're six and eight. I still dress my four year old, but he's going to have to learn to do that on his own, too. If I do it for them, am I just enabling them to not learn to do it at all? What about them tying their shoelaces or when they put their shoes on the wrong feet. No one tells them that they suck at life for not putting them on incorrectly, the blame goes to me. So what if they won't change them to the other foot or tie them. Do I do it for them? What have they learned? Why do I need to have extra work loaded onto me?
So yes, we were late today. Why? Because I'm not dressing them anymore and it's frowned upon for my kids to show up to school naked. Maybe if they were allowed to wear something they wanted to wear, instead of uniforms, we would have made it on time.
What does your day look like? Is it similar to mine? How do you get your kids to get dressed when they are asked?
But a closer inspection of the qualities that belie this bad habit sheds a positive—even flattering—light on repeatedly leaving your friends, colleagues, and family members waiting for your delayed arrival. In fact, continually showing up late to professional meetings, social outings, and random obligations may be correlated with traits of successful people.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to tell that to my husband the next time he complains about us running late. :)
DeleteI think you're doing a good thing by getting your kids to start taking responsibility early. Also, it would be nice to offer them tips and advice on how to dress up effectively and on time.
ReplyDeleteThanks! We have everything already set out for them, but they just distract each other.
DeleteI am always late. All my kids are teenagers. I do believe you should help them become independent. I did things for my children way too long, still do. Sorry if that gives you no hope. :) I do wish that I had pushed them more toward independence though.
ReplyDeleteWell there are some things that are so different than when we were kids. I don't know if this was the same everywhere, but I remember learning to tie my shoe in Kindergarten. The teacher would bring out a fake shoe and we would all learn to tie it together. Now, they don't do that in school and so it's up to me to teach my child and quite frankly, I really don't know what to say or do and I get impatient waiting for them to do it, that I do it for them.
DeleteIts a important to raise them as independent individuals. I have three, the oldest is 16 and the younger one 10,and still trying to build that, sometimes I think Im still doing to much for them... Thanks for the topic.
ReplyDeleteI think that is where the helicopter parenting style is failing our kids. Mommy or daddy does everything for them and then they don't know how to do things for themselves.
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