I Think the World Wants to Be Modest

     I have no actual facts to back me up on this topic. Most of what I write today is my own conclusion, but I think, or rather hope that all of you wonderful people will agree with me on this. In a world where sex is everywhere, I still think that the world really wants to be modest. However, it's  the media and social outlets that tells us that being modest is not the norm.

    Growing up, we're not sexual beings. If we were, we wouldn't laugh at words like butt, boobs, penis... and so on and so forth. We laughed because those words made us feel uncomfortable and they were bad words to say when we would talk about another person. When I was younger, I didn't know what sex even was until I was a little older and a cousin found a naughty channel on their parent's television. That was my first educational learning experience and one that I wish I never encountered. Even years later, there are certain things that I see that remind me of a scene that I saw when I was younger just because it was on television when the adults were gone. You know what? I didn't feel sexually charged or empowered as a kid, possibly a teenager, by then, I felt ashamed and embarrassed.

     Now this was over 15 years ago, at least. Facebook wasn't available and the internet was still a pretty new thing. It wasn't quite as easy to find pornographic images as it is today. Texting wasn't unlimited and if you sent a text, it was going to cost you. Picture texts were twice as much as a worded text. Back then, sites were password protected. The school had firewalls to prevent students from looking that type of stuff up. I bet, that if I were to type in one word that described a body part, hundreds of images would pop up. As a parent, I can childproof my computer and when the time comes, I can childproof my kid's phones and other devices, but I won't be able to childproof their friends. As parents, we are going to have to rely on our children to keep themselves modest and that starts with us as parents. It's our job to model modesty and good behavior. With luck, and high expectations, we can hope that our children will take responsibility of their bodies and be modest.

     I was very lucky to have a wonderful grandmother who modeled what it was like to b a child of Christ. Long before I truly became a Christian, I knew that God wanted us to wait for marriage. I knew that if I was to give myself to someone, that it should be my husband. When you read historical romances, it was very taboo for women to be sexual. They were to be modest and never alone with a man because it would soil their reputation and a woman with no virtue was a woman not worth marrying. Those women became mistresses or prostitutes. They were blown off and humiliated unless they had parents who were willing to take care of them. Yes, there was a whole feminist movement that made certain things ok, but that is a different story for a different day.
     I trailed off, sorry. I didn't really give my life to Christ until I was about to become a junior in high school. Before then, however, I never felt comfortable wearing short shorts or low cut tops. I had a cute body for it, so I could have pulled it off, but I had a dad in my house. I had grandparents. I just never felt comfortable showing off my goods. My sexuality was for me to control and not for boys or the "norms" to tell me otherwise. Even as a married woman who has nursed three children, I feel most comfortable when I'm covered up.

     I don't think that I'm the only one who could agree with that. Dads, think about your daughters. Would you be ok with them walking around the house or school with cleavage and their boobs bursting out of their shirts? Are you comfortable seeing your little girls walking around with the bottom of their butt cheeks just about to show through their shorts? My guess is probably not. So why in the world do we let designers keep designing skimpy clothes for our daughters? I would like to know why my 5 year old needs a swim suit designed with little triangles to outline her flat chest like she was a 20 year old super model? My daughter is 5, going on 6- not 5, going on 21.

    I've seen it so many times on Facebook or on my newsfeed- 20 hilarious shut downs. You've probably seen them. Some of them are pretty funny, but then you see some like this:

     We need to teach our children that it's not ok to be sending others pictures of them naked. Tell the them that it's ok to say no. No one owes anyone anything of that nature. If you catch them sending naked photos of themselves to someone, take away their texting privileges. Take away their phones. We are the parents, not them and we can do that! 

 
    If you are a teenager think about how you want to be represented to your children. Do you want to tell them that you had many conquests? Do you want an old photo of you that you sent to a girlfriend or boyfriend resurfaced? It is so easy for anyone to get a photo, these days. Do you want everyone to see what was only meant for one other person to see?

    I wasn't completely sure, so I looked it up. Prostitution is illegal.  Trafficking is illegal.  So why isn't striping? Why isn't pornography illegal? Have you ever heard someone say, "I wish I was a stripper!" or "I wonder how many people I can sleep with tonight to help pay for rent?" If you have, it was probably in jest. There is generally a negative connotation about it and when you hear about these professions, when you've heard about how someone got into that line of work, they don't get into it because that was what they've always wanted to be. Some people might have gotten into that line of work for the money, but others get into because they didn't know any other way to get around it. There's a reason that they call anything else, "honest work"

      How much of our world's problems are because of sex? Do you think that it's possible that all of the anxiety, depression, confusion is because of all of the sexual resources out there? When boys or girls believe that it's ok to show someone else something just because everyone is doing it, do you really think that it doesn't affect them? Look at kids who were sexually assaulted. Many of them have issues in their adult years. If kids, teens, adult really believed or were ok with premature sexuality before they even know a person, do you think there would be so many mental issues? I'm not a scientist or researcher. I don't have statistics to show or any proof whatsoever. I believe what I believe and what I believe is that if we brought back modesty and virtue, that the world would be a better place. People would stop feeling like  the world owed them something because it absolutely doesn't.

     I've strayed again. I don't have very much evidence, if any that really prove a point and my thoughts are all over the place, but I hope that this title is correct. I hope that the world wants to be modest. We need to stop making sex the norm. There is no reason for kids to be getting pregnant. There is no reason for teenagers to be sending or requesting naked photos of another person. We need to teach our sons and daughters abstinence. Even if you don't practice it yourself, think about whether or not you want your child to live the same life that you've been living. Stop chipping away our children's innocence. Start practicing modesty!

You Can't Just Get Over It

    I've had it said to me or have heard it said to others, but it is never as simple as it sounds. The phrase, "Get over it" is easier said than done. Unless you know how a person truly feels and have been in their shoes, using the phrase is just insensitive. You don't actually have to use that phrase in order for the same meaning to come across. For instance, "Have you prayed about it?" can be just as complicated and hurtful. There are many different scenarios to where this phrase can be pointed towards and perhaps, we can stop being insensitive people and stop asking others these questions. 

    For instance: Grief- Every person grieves differently than another person. We may try to show our support and want to help the other person to finish mourning, but that's not up to us. To tell another person to hurry or that their grieving process is absurd, tiring, in the past- is selfish. Unless you are a licensed therapist, you really have no right to ask another person to move on. For them to just "forget about it"  is to ask them to cover up their emotions, to pretend it isn't there. That is going to cause resentment, cause them to be dispassionate about other things, and even to stop trusting you or see you as a friend. 

                          Anxiety- This is a mental illness. This isn't something that we can just get over either. For some people, anxiety is a result of years of abuse or being ignored. It can be from years about worrying. There are many causes for anxiety and each is handled differently. Some people might be taking medication for it already. They might already be seeing a therapist or doing their own type of therapies for their anxiety. They might already be praying to get over it. You don't know their circumstances. Be patient.

                         Low Self- Esteem- For me, this is passive. Sometimes I really feel this hurt, especially when I'm dieting. On nights when I'm most especially upset by my weight or how I look, I have this dream where an ex-boyfriend or some high school friends walk into the same room that I'm in. The moment he or they do, I feel ashamed. I've let myself go and all I want to do in this dream/nightmare is escape. When I wake up, I can feel angry with myself, most definitely disgusted. Sometimes I find myself almost depressed for a lot of the day after that happens. It doesn't make sense to me because I haven't seen this boyfriend in years  and my friends have always been accepting.Then those dreams happen and they're there, judging me with looks of disgust.

    My husband has always been very good to me and has never complained to me about my weight or how I don't put make-up on anymore. My feelings all have to do with myself. My case is only minor, but there are women and even men out there who have eating disorders and exercise until they are physically ill just to reach their desired image. Sometimes, your interference can hurt more than help. If you must help, compliment instead of give advice. 

                        Depression- Some people are just depressed because that is what their body and mind tells them to be. Others have had some sort of tragedy or bad event that can trigger their depression. It's better to be patient with them and tell them that you love them and care for them. Ask them if you can help, but otherwise, don't give advice. Chances are, they've already heard what you have to say.

    When you tell someone to "Get over it" or anything else that seems more sensitive, you sometimes come off as judgy. We know that you care and we appreciate it, but honestly, it can make us feel worse. Your intentions were probably good, but if it were in reverse, if someone were trying to tell you to pray about it, to get over it, I'm sure that you'd get annoyed or mad too. 

    Things aren't always easy to get over. Sometimes it takes medication. Others it takes understanding and love. Most importantly, these circumstances just need time.