Be Your Own Person and Not Someone Else

   

  Today, I found one of my daughter's toy princesses. This figuring is a small, fits in the palm of your hand Elsa from the Disney movie Frozen. This is one of her many dolls that have interchangeable dresses. You just push the bottom in like a clothes pin and it will open up the dress and the princess can slip right out.

     



       When I found her, she was wearing the dress that belongs to Belle from Beauty and the Beast. The first thing I thought was, "Girl, this isn't your color."

       Immediately, after that, I thought, "I shouldn't be so mean and judge" but then another lesson came to mind.

Not Everything is made For Everyone

      Look at Elsa: She's very pale skinned, her hair is platinum blonde, and if she were a real human, this color would wash her out. The dress is very pretty, but it wasn't made for her.

       This doesn't mean that she's ugly, but she has other things that she could wear, like blue or green, that would suit her better.

      I'm not saying that she shouldn't wear this dress. Maybe it's more comfortable than her other dresses or maybe she likes the color better. And this isn't really about looks, anyways.

      I know that sometimes, we want our kids to be just like us and do things like play sports or learn to play the piano. We shouldn't put it on them if it isn't something that they want to do, though. Our intentions may be good, like "I want them to have structure" or "I want them to do what I couldn't do", but really, you should see how your kid feels about it.

      Maybe you really liked to play football and you want your child to follow in your footsteps, but your child just wants to swim or dance. Don't shame them for not wanting to do what you want them to do. They aren't you! No matter how many similarities there are between you, they are still their own person.

Just because everyone is doing it, doesn't mean that you have to, too.

      How often do we let our kids wear things just because everyone else is wearing them? In a world where we have to be careful because anyone can look up things about you, we need to be careful with how we're dressing our kids. There really is a need for censorship.

     Yes, that mini skirt and low cut blouse looks cute, but it's not made for little girls. Even teenage girls shouldn't be wearing them because they should be more focused on learning in school and building healthy relationships and not trying to catch all of the guys attentions. Your kids can choose what they want to wear when they are legally an adult.

      Set some boundaries and follow through on them. I mean, Elsa shouldn't be wearing a strapless dress when her land is frozen. It's impractical, put on some sleeves! Yes, Belle is the most beautiful and best princess, but Elsa, you have your own style and qualities too. You don't need to be like Belle.

Conclusion

     I may have pushed this lesson a bit, I blame it on my ever thinking/wandering mind. I always got in trouble in English class, or rather any class where I had to have coherent thoughts written down in the way that someone else wanted me to write- which you know, that really stifled my creativity. Someday, I'll show them.

      You don't have to be like everyone else. You are your own person. Just do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't break the law. I mean, we can't all walk around naked just because clothes confine us, but you know, I wouldn't anyways because- cold. Brrrr!

      Don't suffocate your kids with things that you want them to do. Instead, allow them to do some things that they enjoy, but also, don't let it be a burden on you, either. I mean, does your child really need to be in art, soccer, dance, and learning to be the American Ninja Warrior all at once? No!

      Lastly, don't worry too much about how you are as a parent. We all do things differently. Some of us believe that a quick, in control spanking or time-out helps their kids with disciplining and structure while others believe that all things can be done well with incentives and love. Kids are all different and maybe they need more tough love than gentle love or maybe they need more words of affirmation than words of disappointment. There's a reason why we call it parenting style because things work differently for everyone.

     
Anyways, be your own person and not someone else.

I Think the World Wants to Be Modest

     I have no actual facts to back me up on this topic. Most of what I write today is my own conclusion, but I think, or rather hope that all of you wonderful people will agree with me on this. In a world where sex is everywhere, I still think that the world really wants to be modest. However, it's  the media and social outlets that tells us that being modest is not the norm.

    Growing up, we're not sexual beings. If we were, we wouldn't laugh at words like butt, boobs, penis... and so on and so forth. We laughed because those words made us feel uncomfortable and they were bad words to say when we would talk about another person. When I was younger, I didn't know what sex even was until I was a little older and a cousin found a naughty channel on their parent's television. That was my first educational learning experience and one that I wish I never encountered. Even years later, there are certain things that I see that remind me of a scene that I saw when I was younger just because it was on television when the adults were gone. You know what? I didn't feel sexually charged or empowered as a kid, possibly a teenager, by then, I felt ashamed and embarrassed.

     Now this was over 15 years ago, at least. Facebook wasn't available and the internet was still a pretty new thing. It wasn't quite as easy to find pornographic images as it is today. Texting wasn't unlimited and if you sent a text, it was going to cost you. Picture texts were twice as much as a worded text. Back then, sites were password protected. The school had firewalls to prevent students from looking that type of stuff up. I bet, that if I were to type in one word that described a body part, hundreds of images would pop up. As a parent, I can childproof my computer and when the time comes, I can childproof my kid's phones and other devices, but I won't be able to childproof their friends. As parents, we are going to have to rely on our children to keep themselves modest and that starts with us as parents. It's our job to model modesty and good behavior. With luck, and high expectations, we can hope that our children will take responsibility of their bodies and be modest.

     I was very lucky to have a wonderful grandmother who modeled what it was like to b a child of Christ. Long before I truly became a Christian, I knew that God wanted us to wait for marriage. I knew that if I was to give myself to someone, that it should be my husband. When you read historical romances, it was very taboo for women to be sexual. They were to be modest and never alone with a man because it would soil their reputation and a woman with no virtue was a woman not worth marrying. Those women became mistresses or prostitutes. They were blown off and humiliated unless they had parents who were willing to take care of them. Yes, there was a whole feminist movement that made certain things ok, but that is a different story for a different day.
     I trailed off, sorry. I didn't really give my life to Christ until I was about to become a junior in high school. Before then, however, I never felt comfortable wearing short shorts or low cut tops. I had a cute body for it, so I could have pulled it off, but I had a dad in my house. I had grandparents. I just never felt comfortable showing off my goods. My sexuality was for me to control and not for boys or the "norms" to tell me otherwise. Even as a married woman who has nursed three children, I feel most comfortable when I'm covered up.

     I don't think that I'm the only one who could agree with that. Dads, think about your daughters. Would you be ok with them walking around the house or school with cleavage and their boobs bursting out of their shirts? Are you comfortable seeing your little girls walking around with the bottom of their butt cheeks just about to show through their shorts? My guess is probably not. So why in the world do we let designers keep designing skimpy clothes for our daughters? I would like to know why my 5 year old needs a swim suit designed with little triangles to outline her flat chest like she was a 20 year old super model? My daughter is 5, going on 6- not 5, going on 21.

    I've seen it so many times on Facebook or on my newsfeed- 20 hilarious shut downs. You've probably seen them. Some of them are pretty funny, but then you see some like this:

     We need to teach our children that it's not ok to be sending others pictures of them naked. Tell the them that it's ok to say no. No one owes anyone anything of that nature. If you catch them sending naked photos of themselves to someone, take away their texting privileges. Take away their phones. We are the parents, not them and we can do that! 

 
    If you are a teenager think about how you want to be represented to your children. Do you want to tell them that you had many conquests? Do you want an old photo of you that you sent to a girlfriend or boyfriend resurfaced? It is so easy for anyone to get a photo, these days. Do you want everyone to see what was only meant for one other person to see?

    I wasn't completely sure, so I looked it up. Prostitution is illegal.  Trafficking is illegal.  So why isn't striping? Why isn't pornography illegal? Have you ever heard someone say, "I wish I was a stripper!" or "I wonder how many people I can sleep with tonight to help pay for rent?" If you have, it was probably in jest. There is generally a negative connotation about it and when you hear about these professions, when you've heard about how someone got into that line of work, they don't get into it because that was what they've always wanted to be. Some people might have gotten into that line of work for the money, but others get into because they didn't know any other way to get around it. There's a reason that they call anything else, "honest work"

      How much of our world's problems are because of sex? Do you think that it's possible that all of the anxiety, depression, confusion is because of all of the sexual resources out there? When boys or girls believe that it's ok to show someone else something just because everyone is doing it, do you really think that it doesn't affect them? Look at kids who were sexually assaulted. Many of them have issues in their adult years. If kids, teens, adult really believed or were ok with premature sexuality before they even know a person, do you think there would be so many mental issues? I'm not a scientist or researcher. I don't have statistics to show or any proof whatsoever. I believe what I believe and what I believe is that if we brought back modesty and virtue, that the world would be a better place. People would stop feeling like  the world owed them something because it absolutely doesn't.

     I've strayed again. I don't have very much evidence, if any that really prove a point and my thoughts are all over the place, but I hope that this title is correct. I hope that the world wants to be modest. We need to stop making sex the norm. There is no reason for kids to be getting pregnant. There is no reason for teenagers to be sending or requesting naked photos of another person. We need to teach our sons and daughters abstinence. Even if you don't practice it yourself, think about whether or not you want your child to live the same life that you've been living. Stop chipping away our children's innocence. Start practicing modesty!