Listen to Your Mother

Listen to your mother!

Listen to your mother.

Those are 4 simple words, but they hold so much power to them.

What If I Were a Dad, Instead of a Mom?

This morning was another one of those really stressful mornings where it might not have been so bad if I had my crap put together.

My son forgot to do his Friday letter on Friday, so I had to make him work on it this morning. Without his ADHD medication, he's squirrely and has a hard time sitting down to focus on it. It doesn't matter that he'll have his recess taken away for the day if he doesn't turn it in. To him, it's future him's problem. To me, however, I know that no recess might cause other issues because he wasn't able to run out that energy that he needed to run out.

A Lesson in Photography and Raising Your Family

   

 When I was in college, I took a photography class. Taking pictures was something that I liked to do, but it wasn't a passion of mine and it became a chore, so I didn't continue with it.

      I think another reason why I didn't want to continue was because the teacher wanted us to take pictures by entering all of the inputs manually and I didn't have a clue what I was really needing to do for shutter speed and light and all that jazz. To be honest, I would get so bored in the class I fell asleep. If I was able to stay awake, I might have done better in the class, but oh well.

      I'm off topic. My apologies. Every time we went to class, we were supposed to turn in photos from that week's assignment the day before class was to resume. From that assignment, the teacher would pick out pictures that he thought met the expectations and those that didn't to show the class the do's and don'ts and printed out the ones that exceeded those expectations as an award for fantastic work. I only had one picture printed out, but had several that showed up on the projector screen.

      This is the picture that he printed. I don't remember what the assignment was for, but it wasn't printed because of that assignment, but because he liked it and it segued into the next assignment which was about working with shadows. I was so excited that he printed it out and embarrassed at the same time because we got to go over what made it great and that was a lot of attention focused on me and my work.

     This was the night time work that he liked. It wasn't liked well enough to print out because parts of it were fuzzy when it was enlarged, but I was so proud of this night time picture. It was so dark out that I didn't even know what color these flowers really were until the picture was taken. I had to lay down on the ground and hold the camera still and wait for a minute or more for the picture to take and I didn't have a tripod to hold the camera still. A normal person would use flash to take a picture like this, but the teacher wanted us to work with exposure or something like that so we were never allowed to use it. (Can some of my photography friends explain the process?)

What did I learn?

       So why am I writing about something that I don't even remember the terminology for? Well, these pictures showed up in my timeline on Facebook. While I was looking at them, an analogy sprang to mind.

 Practice makes perfect.
   
        In photography, unless you are an amazing photographer, the perfect picture takes time to get. Not every picture is going to come out perfect. It takes time, patience, and work to sometimes get the desired effect. If you ask a photographer how many shots they had to take in order to get the perfect one, I'm sure that they would either lie and say they got it on the first try, or they would tell you that they took hundreds and only a few were great.

        In order for that first picture to get printed, I had to turn in many others that were rejected or talked about. Nothing was quite as good as that one. It took many pictures to get the great one.

         When we raise our kids, we expect them to do everything right on the first time. We can sometimes get frustrated and lose our patience. They're kids and they aren't going to get everything right on the first time and when they do get it right, we have to know that it may be one in a few and the more they do it, the better they'll be.





Perfection takes time. Don't rush.

     This is more than just practice makes perfect. For that second picture to really work, it needed time to do it's thing. I could have rushed it by turning on the flash setting, but then the shadows and reflection would have been off and it wouldn't have been the same. Instead, by lengthening the exposure time, it allowed for the colors to show on the flowers, the leaves from the tree behind it, and it even allowed for the stars to shine through. I don't think the stars would have shown with flash because the light would have hidden them.

         When we are working with our kids, we need to be examples of patience and manners. They are going to learn from us. It takes us 18 years to help shape and mold our kids into fine human beings. We can't set them out into the world by saying our expectations of them and not help them live it. The whole do as I say and not as I do thing, that's not going to work. That's rushing it instead of taking the time to teach them.

It's ok to just stop and wait.

        The only reason why that night time picture worked was because I stopped to hold still. If I had a tripod, it would have come out even better without the blur. I had to hold perfectly still in order for it to come out correctly. If I had moved more, it would have just been a conglomerate of colors.

        When we are with our kids, we need to stop and slow down. We need to stop letting the tv babysit them. I'm very guilty of this, especially since I started blogging full time, again. What's wrong with having our kids read books or just letting them play with their toys? They're learning and also not getting overstimulated by the sound and constant streaming of electronic devices. Why don't we go for walks more? Why don't we talk to each other?

         If we're wondering why young adults these days have social issues and seem like spoiled brats, maybe it's because we let electronics and social media raise them instead of us, the parents, and so they don't have ethics and morals weaved into their being. They don't know the difference between right or wrong. As long as they can benefit from it, why not do it? We need to take the time to teach and model the golden rule- do unto others as you would have them do unto you.


Learn to love what you do.

         If I would have liked the class more or enjoyed taking pictures all of the time, I would have gone on to the other classes and learned how to Photoshop and the ins and outs to great photography.

         As parents, we love our kids, but do we love ourselves more? It's very important to get a little me time in, but are we choosing our work over our kids? I know that when I don't finish something at home, I get irritated when my kids interrupt me before I can finish. Instead of yelling at them, I need to stop what I'm doing, look at them and talk to them. "Is this something that you can remember until Mommy is finished with this?"

        If they say yes, explain to them that you will come find them when you are finished. If it can't wait, you still can. I know that I do get impatient and I say, "If I don't finish this now, I'll never get it done." Well that's not true. I can get right back to it later. Remember what it's like when someone dismisses you. I know that I don't particularly like it and I'll start an argument. Your child has feelings too and if they throw a tantrum, it could be because you hurt their feelings. Take the time to stop and listen to them. This all goes back to being patient and practicing.

       After all- Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud, it is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.

     Are we loving what we do as parents? Are we practicing patience and kindness? Are we always putting other things before our kids? Are we getting angry and then holding it against them?

      If we aren't loving our kids or others the way that we should, we shouldn't expect perfect results in our family life and it's something that we should work towards doing.

How do we do this?

      It's ok to be busy and work, but schedule some family time. Have a family night. If you have older kids, make it a night when they don't want to go out with their friends. Schedule something during the week. Order pizza and pop in a movies that you all enjoy. Play some board games. Go for a walk. Just do something together.

     Make a better effort to eat at the same time. When you're all sitting down to eat, ditch the cell phones and handheld game devices. Those are distracting and you can't carry a conversation if you're always checking your notifications. Talk to each other!

      Pay attention to your kids. Believe it or not, there are some parents who don't notice when their kids are off or they ignore it when they see it. Talk to your kids and ask them what you can do for them. Ask them if they have any questions. BE THERE FOR THEM!


Call to action. 

      Find something to do. Anything. It doesn't even have to cost something, just do it. Have fun with your kids.

      This weekend we're having a tea party. I know it's October, but since we have some great-grandparents flying in from Washington, we scheduled it for tomorrow. I'm going to make some big fat muffins and cucumber sandwiches (if I can find some of the bread I like to use in the store) and dress up with a big hat. It will be splendid. The boys will be having a Nerf gun war and eat snacks while the girls sip their tea.

What are you going to do this weekend?

Raising Our Children- Accountability Between the Parent and School

This post will probably be viewed as an unpopular opinion. I believe that after a while, there is only so much that we as parents can do when it comes to raising our children. It isn't going to matter how consistent we are with our children if the school or teachers aren't on the same page.
 
As a child, I was very strong willed. I didn't like to be told what to do or how to do it or when to do it. However, as a child, I didn't dare speak out too much in school because I was given a detention. If I was given detention I knew that I was also going to get in trouble at home for embarrassing my parents, so I tried to keep that at a minimum since I got in trouble at home often enough for being strong willed.