Making Mom Friends

  I know that this is a topic that gets talked about a lot, so I'm hoping to put another perspective on it so it's not your typical, "How To Make Mom Friends" type post.
 
      A little over a year ago, I was one mom in a small group of moms for a mom's group Bible study. Some of us had kids in the same age range, while others had kids who were younger or older. We met up once a week and then changed it to every other week, and then to whenever we could meet. After all, we're all moms and moms tend to be busy. We usually met without our kids and even though we, ourselves, varied in ages, we still had a common ground, which was our kids.

Middle Child Syndrome

 

The other day I asked my husband and in-laws what I should blog about for my next post. After writing about my oldest a few times from having ADHD to not wanting me anymore, I decided to write about my daughter, the middle child. My husband said, "What if you write about her eye surgery or about what it's like being the only girl in the midst of two brothers?" I decided that for this one, I would write about her being a girl in a boys world or just being the middle child. To do this, I interviewed her.

The Interview

I wanted to start off with easy questions and this is how it went.

M: What’s your favorite food?

K: Ice cream and cupcakes 

M: What’s your favorite color?

K: Pink, red, purple- I can’t help it with those colors

M: What do you want to be when you grow up?

K: A mommy

These were pretty standard questions, ones I knew the answers to. By this time, she has moved to the other side of the table and is playing with her Barbie laptop with a musical keyboard. She seems happy to be answering the questions, but also a little bored. I started asking some more difficult questions and she gave me answers that I sometimes knew but also changed from time to time. 

M: How old will you be when you get married?

K: I don’t know. 19? Is that a good age? M: Will you marry your high school sweetheart? K: I don't know. M: I was 21 when I got married, that's two years older than what you said. K: Ok

M: How many kids do you want?

K: I want 10. Five boys and five girls.

What it's like being the only girl child

OK, so I'm going to be the grandma of at least ten grandchildren. This isn't including the kids that my sons will have someday. My husband and I are going to have to really build up our retirement fund so we can live comfortably in our old age after spoiling all of our grandkids. 

After this, I started asking her questions that were going to be emotional. I had a box of tissues ready for any emotional outbursts of crying. I hoped we wouldn't need them.

M: What’s it like being the only girl in the family?

K: I don’t like that I don’t have a sister. I’d like to have a sister so we can torture my brothers.

M: How do you feel about being the middle child? (I held my breath, expecting to hear about the injustice of it.)
K: I feel good about being a middle child.

I tried to bait her some more. Her responses weren't what I expected. After all, my middle sister was an emotional fountain, I expected something similar.

M: What do you think of your older brother?

K:  think he’s the best brother ever!

M: What do you think of your younger brother?

K: I don’t know, yet. I know that he drives me crazy every. Single. Day.

M: But you guys like to play together, right?

K: I like to dress him up like a girl because he doesn’t drive me crazy, then. He plays nicely. Otherwise, he gives me a headache with everything he does.

I knew that it was true. The other day, it had been quiet. I brought up a load of folded laundry for the kids to help put away and I called to K. Suddenly, I heard loud whispers and scurrying around. I looked inside K's room and found it empty, but I could see the light from the closet coming out from under the door. I opened it up, and there stood K in a pretty Princess Sofia dress and her little brother in one of her dresses that had a black velvet torso with a black, blue, and gray striped skirt. He reminded me of the part in The Little Rascals when Alfalfa and Spanky dressed in leotards at a ballet recital to hide from the bullies. I had to muffle my laughter. 

Bring on the difficult questions 

At this point, K still hadn't reached the emotional state that I thought would happen when talking about being a middle child, so I continued with some questions that I thought would open her up.

M: Do you feel left out sometimes?

K: Yeah, only when I have no one to play with.

M: Why don’t you have anyone to play with?

K: I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t know why. 

M: Does it make you sad?

K: No, because then I can play with you!

So, instead of my daughter feeling emotional and upset about the injustice of being a middle child and the only sister with two brothers, she had me tearing up. I took a moment to gather myself and finished her interview.

M: How old are you?

K: I am 6 yrs old.

M: Are you looking forward to 1^st grade?

K: Uh huh! I think it will be fun. I hope I can go to Mr. B’s class just like my big brother. I am glad to see my friends, except Isabella when she doesn’t listen.

M: What is something you’d like to do today?

K: I want to play outside and maybe hang out with grandma for a while and go to Old McDonalds had a farm (as she plays on her piano toy) what? I thought it was funny!

Conclusion

So there you have it. I tried my best to prove that there is a Middle Child Syndrome that affects all middle children. I wanted to prove that maybe they felt mistreated or more frustrated because they were the middle child, but my middle child told me that she's actually pretty happy and likes her life. So, in conclusion: There is no such thing as middle child syndrome. There is, however, First Child Syndrome, which I have experienced first hand as the oldest child. Don't believe me, ask a first child what it was like growing up as one and I'm sure you'll get a huge list of why it sucked being the first child.

Are you a middle child? Did you have a syndrome? Tell me about it in the comments!

Guest Blog- How to Keep Your Marriage Alive After Kids

    Hello everyone! I got the chance to be able to answer some interview questions about marriage with children. Two other married moms also got to answer her questions and while many answers were different, some were also very similar. Check it out at https://cookiemonstermom.com/2018/08/09/how-to-keep-your-marriage-alive-after-kids/

Leave Ashlee a comment and tell her what you think! Don't forget to subscribe!

The Snuggle Games

A little after I started the Figuringitout101 blog, I wrote a post about how my son didn't want me anymore. To summarize it, my son who used to be a momma's boy began needing me a little less and needed his daddy more. That has been true ever since I wrote that post, but some things have changed since then.

This summer, some little shifts, so subtle, I didn't notice them at first had been made. It's been such a burden and just a pain in the butt to put the kids to bed. After screaming and shouting, counting to five 100 times, the kids finally settled down and went to bed. It wasn't long, however, that I heard my bedroom door creak open. I had just put on a New Girl rerun episode on the tv and my son asked me if he could lay down with me. My first instinct was to say no and to make him go back to bed again, but I noticed an innocence in those eyes and told him he could, but he had to have his eyes closed and had to appear like he was sleeping. It wasn't long before I heard him giggling at the episode.

This was one of the first time in a long time moments that he has wanted to do any sort of snuggling or hanging out with me. Since then, he has told me little things like, "Mom, your pillow looks more comfortable than mine" or "Mom, your blanket looks comfy. Can I have it?" I usually respond with a no, but the questions like that kept coming and I realized that he was wanting to snuggle again, but didn't want to ask me. After all, what's the point of snuggling with mommy if she doesn't beg you to do it first? 

His mission at 8, is to make snuggling seem uncool, but I know now that deep down inside, my little vulnerable guy is still just as sweet. I have to just read into his actions to really know what he wants.

When I thought that this was the time that he only wanted daddy, I'm finding that I'm still wanted, but have to be patient. I can't force it and have to wait for him to come to me, but that makes these little moments even more special. Now it's like a game, and well, games are fun!

Things I Had to Give Up When I became a Family

  So... I'm sitting here, wondering what I should write for my next blog post. I'm eating the German chocolate cake that was leftover from the game night we hosted yesterday, when I think, "I've got it! What if I write a blog about things that I've given up since becoming a parent? You know what, let's go a step further. How about things I've given up since becoming a new family."


   


       I could say that I've given up sleeping eight hours a night or family traditions, but it wouldn't be true. When my husband and I got married and we started our own family, we combined traditions or trade them off each year. There are all sorts of things that I could say, but many of them could be argued... many of them except for when it comes to food. When I grew up in the family that gave me my maiden name, there were plenty food items that I loved and enjoyed and that was because my family loved and enjoyed those too. Now, if I'm going to eat those, its going to be because I went to a restaurant and ordered a single serving of it or it's a holiday feast and there are other people who are celebrating with us that like the same thing. Here's a list of things that I've practically given up:

1. German Chocolate Cake- I love chocolate cake, my husband doesn't. My kids like chocolate cake, too, so I could eat chocolate at least, but what they all don't like is coconut. So, if I want German chocolate cake, I'm going to be buying it for a group of people.... except only my mother-in-law and I ate some, so I have to finish the rest by myself.
2. Things with nuts in them- My husband will eat trail mix, but that is pretty much the extent to what he eats. If I make peanut butter cookies, they aren't going to have nuts in them.
3. Sweet Potatoes or Yams- I can get away with eating these at Thanksgiving and Christmas because my in-laws and parents like them too, but no one in my house likes them.
4. Mashed Potatoes-My husband and kids don't like them. I get to eat them during the holidays or at a restaurant.
5. Hamburger Pie- If you don't know what hamburger pie is, it's this delicious, strange concoction with mashed potatoes, green beans, and hamburger. As I said before, no one likes mashed potatoes, so this one is kind of obvious.
6. Corn Bread- I did, just find out that my in-laws like a cornbread casserole that I made a couple of times, so I have been getting some sort of variation when I make that for family dinners.
7. Frozen Enchilada meal- This probably seems like a really weird thing to put on here, but this was a Stouffer's meal that I really enjoyed. I used to buy it for me and my husband until one day he told me he didn't really like it, so that was the end to that.
8. Green Stuff- Until just recently, this is one thing I had to give up. Green stuff is a jello salad type meal. You mix together a large container of cottage cheese, jello mix, and cool whip. It may sound disgusting, but it's actually amazing! I used to not eat this for a while because I was the only one who liked it, but one day, I discovered how much protein was in cottage cheese and decided to try making it just for me. It can make about three good size meals at like 26 grams of protein a serving. It totally made its comeback.
9. Bacon- For a long time, I was the only one who really liked bacon. One day, I was eating some when my youngest tried it out. He decided he liked it, so I started buying a bag of it from Sam's Club- (Very big) I had gone almost 9 years without eating bacon, so this has been a great thing.
10. Pretty much anything from a restaurant that isn't fast food. This isn't a complete give up, but since having kids, my husband and I don't go out regularly, so I count this as giving up something.

    


       I know that these are things I probably don't have to give up, but its such a waste to make food that only I enjoy. What would your list look like? Would it be similar to mine, or would you be crossing of food items, too?

Back to School Clarification

     A couple of days ago, I posted a blog about how I was ready for my kids to go back to school. While I had hoped for it to be relatable, I got some feedback from a few who said things like, "I enjoy my kids company," or "Oh, wow. I'm already tired. I hope that my life isn't like this when my child is born." or something similar to that.

     I wanted to clarify some things. When it comes to parenting, there are going to be some weak days and not everyday is going to be exhausting or makes you so crazy that you're ready for your kids to go back to school. Trust me, when my kids do go back to school, I'm going to be bored and wondering what I can do to pass the time. I'm going to actually miss my kids.

     You know what, though? I miss my kids when I'm out watching a movie with other adults or when we are hosting a game night. Those little creatures are a part of me and I've seen them almost every day since the day that they were born. On the nights when they stay the night at grandma's or when my husband and I get away for a night, I miss them. They are ALWAYS put in conversation, somewhere. Most of my blog posts involve my kids.

     Being a mother can be exhausting and sometimes you can get to a point where you feel like a failure, but it doesn't mean that you are. The fact that you feel that way, says how much you care about them. On those nights, it's ok to give the kids an early bed time. I don't personally drink, but sometimes it's ok to have that glass of wine or eat that pint of ice cream. Just because you became a mommy, doesn't mean that you had to stop taking care of yourself or stop feeling frustrated when frustration is warranted.

     I wrote a post last week about a book I read by Jennifer Fulwiler called One Beautiful Dream. There is a section in that book where the grandparents are talking and they tell her something about how moms have it harder today. In their day, their moms kicked them out of the house and they didn't return until dinner. They also had big families and everyone there pitched in. They all had a support system.--- If you haven't read this book, yet, I highly suggest it.

     We have dad's for a reason. They are here to help lift the load. If you are in a single parent family, don't be afraid to ask for help. God might have put people in your life for a reason, so don't take them for granted. I'm off topic, again.

     Anyways, I might be ready for school to start, but when it does, it's going to be so refreshing for all of us, even for those who homeschool. Kids thrive under order and schedule because they know what's going to happen next. They may resist it at first, but it always seems to get better.

     So, I'm ready for school to start, but once it does, I'm going to miss those guys and it won't be long before we're all ready for the next school break. Motherhood is basically a time of conflicting emotions, which is why I believe that it was made for women- we can handle that sort of thing.

I'm Ready For the Kids to Go Back To School

     I wasn't going to post a new blog for today, but I felt the need to do this. Guys- I'm exhausted!

     All day, today, my kids have been yelling and fighting with each other and all I want to do is just write. I want to finish my book and I can't do that. I have to mediate fights. I have to find things for my kids to do so they don't destroy the house or hurt each other. My oldest has been begging me to let him play video games and I so want to let him do it because at least then I would have two kids not fighting with each other because they would be engrossed in their games. But I can't let him do that because he knows that he needs to read at LEAST 30 minutes a day and he won't do that. Correction- he's finally given in because he doesn't want to go to his room.

     I'd love to be able to say that all my days are perfect, but they're not, just like I know that not every mom or dad has a perfect day. This also translates to people who don't have kids. We ALL have obstacles that prevents us from doing things that we want to do or have things that make us feel like we're going crazy.

    I just have to remember that everyday isn't like today and I won't always be so tired. This social media blogging thing has been hard work.

    School starts in just a few weeks and I haven't done much with the kids, they're probably bored out of their minds, too. Maybe we're all ready for school to start.

      For all of you other people out there who are in the same boat or something that gives you a similar feeling, STAY STRONG!

      Can I see your exhausted pics? Share your stories!

So tired! Messy hair, don't care!